In an effort to hide himself from angry investors Mark Zuckerberg this week decided to rebrand himself as ‘Steve’.
Zuckerberg has received a lot of criticism in the past seven days, for renaming Facebook ‘Meta’ – a move which immediately cost the company 6% of its value.
And after Facebook/Meta investors are outside his door, carrying torches and baying for his blood, Zuckerberg has taken the decision to rename himself.
‘I think the new name shows that I’m branching out, and am so much more than just
Mark Zuckerberg-the-increasingly-failing-businessman. I am also Mark Zuckerberg-the-snoop, Mark-Zuckerberg-the-megalomaniac and Mark-Zuckerberg-the-man-who-everyone-hates-and-thinks-looks-like-an-alien.
In the circumstances, rebranding seems vital to the businessman.
‘I need a new identity.
‘And Steve is what I have been working towards. ‘’Steve’, is Bland. Common. Unmemorable. Lots of people are called ‘Steve’. I can easily slip anonymously into a crowd with a name like ‘Steve.’’
Hiding behind a hedge, he continued, ‘I think the new name reflects the fact that I’m going in a different direction…. Normally I’d leave my house through the front door – now I’m going over the back fence, avoiding the lynchmobs.’
But will renaming REALLY be enough to change perceptions?
‘Perhaps not. I could also do with a complete makeover.
A wig, and some of those Groucho-Marx-false-noses-and-glasses. And possibly a fake passport.’
When disgruntled FB investors were asked their opinion, they joined in, suggesting plenty of alternative names for Zuckerberg. Names like ‘Ass-hat’.