It’s the Ninth day of Crypto-Christmas… and today’s guest is someone who cost people a lot of money when they made an advert telling people to invest in crypto — just before it all crashed. Yes, he really got egg on his face with that! Or, as it’s Christmas, he really got egg-nog on his face! So please welcome the world’s worst crypto-shill – Matt Damon!
PC: So, Matt, what did you get for Christmas?
MD: A lot of hate-mail from people angry with me for persuading them to invest in crypto with my commercial for crypto.com. And most of that mail was hand-delivered because they just can’t afford stamps any more. Sorry! Oh, and someone gave me a Bitcoin tee-shirt… only it was 70% smaller than it should have been so it doesn’t really fit.
PC: Did you give anyone else a gift?
MD: Yeah, every year I send Ben Affleck a bag of fruit with a note saying ‘how d’you like them apples?’ It’s hilarious… though Ben doesn’t really talk to me much these days. It’s partly the apples thing, partly because he lost a ton of money in crypto thanks to my advice.
PC: What’s your favourite Christmas song?
MD: It’s a cover version I recently did of a classic Johnny Mathis number with my own personal tweak to it: ‘When a child is Bourne’. Obvs.
PC: Any regrets from 2022?
MD: I’m just sorry that I didn’t tell everyone to get into FTX this year. With my reputation for terrible crypto recommendations, everyone would have known it was a turkey and lots of people would have been spared pain.
PC: What about your predictions for 2023?
MD: Yeah, get into Binance. That sucker looks good! As per my previous answer, hopefully that’ll help people avoid it…
PC: And finally, what are your plans for the coming year?
MD: I’m making a film called ‘Bourne To Be Wilde’. It’s where secret agent Jason Bourne goes undercover as playwright and wit Oscar Wilde… and when they try to send him to jail for being gay, he fights the system with fists, guns and a shaky camera. Hopefully it’ll make more money than my crypto-recommendations! Which wouldn’t be hard, actually…